A little man with a long beard opened the door and said, “Hi, ho.” — My skin isn’t white as snow anymore: after a few weeks spent in nature, au naturel, I’ve developed a light tan. When I first sought sanctuary from my stepmom in this charming cottage, deep within the untamed forest, I thought it could be heavenly. …

‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy — Everything changed in ’69. The culture had been changing for a while, I guess, but none of the changes had impacted me: my fiancé, Joe, thought pot was for losers, and I knew the Pill was for sluts who couldn’t keep their knees together until they got married. We were…

Just haul her over your knee and wallop her arse. — In part 1, Livia shared her cuckquean fantasy with her husband, Ben. He agreed to look for a woman who would help her fulfil it. In part 2, he found a possible third: her sister, Ingrid. We eat breakfast together every morning. It’s one of the little things that keeps…

If I think she’s beautiful, it’s only because you’re beautiful. — In part 1, Livia shared her cuckquean fantasy with her husband, Ben. He agreed to find a woman to help her fulfil it. Three weeks later he surprises me. He’s sitting at the table using the laptop while I lie on the couch in my PJs bingeing on Bake Off…

I want him to make me a quean, and I want to watch while he does it. — We have a strong marriage because we’re open to each other’s needs and we communicate. …

Looks like a bear eating a ham sandwich. — “Did you bring the money your husband owes me?” If you met Mr Lake in the street, you’d think he was a regular businessman. But I know his reputation. I know what he does to men who don’t pay their debts; the ways he hurts them. If you meet him…

One perfectly manicured fingernail traces the outline of the cock straining his fly buttons. — A hushed audience watches a young ballerina glissade across the stage. “Such fluid beauty!” In the royal box, the Duke of Bradhampton turns to his companion, a woman whose make-up cannot mask her sixty-eight years. “Your new soloist is a sensation, Madame; I see your battement in her. …

I howled when I came, and he called me a fucking animal. — The photography was his idea. He was always trying to fix me. He thought if I saw myself nude, the way he sees me, I’d know how beautiful I was, that it would give me body confidence. …

He’ll give you the happiest ending you’ve ever experienced. — In Hell Night, Emily’s Barbie doll spends Christmas Eve seducing a teddy bear and is delighted to discover ‘Little’ Ted is a misnomer. Unfortunately, her paramour is replaced by one of Emily’s Christmas presents: Sasha the Bratz doll. It’s been a year since that slut Sasha strutted into my playroom…